News Post: The Neil Armstrong Of Horse Fucking

http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2018/02/23/the-neil-armstrong-of-horse-fucking

Tycho: I have received requests for what C.E.N.T.A.U.R.I. stands for, broken out.  The fact that we have readers who want this information, coupled with the fact that they know I have it, means that we have found each other.  Think about what a bizarre configuration of the universe this is.  In any case.  Behold: Cyber- Erogenous Nanite Thoroughbred As Ultimate Rider: Interspecies The mod we discuss in the strip is called Basemental Drugs, maybe it’s not a good site to visit while in the work zone, but back when you could still see how much it was pulling in on Patreon…

News Post: Legacy

http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2018/02/21/legacy

Tycho: I spent most of the weekend watching the Rainbow 6: Siege invitational, like…  a lot of it, I watched it a lot.  I ran down the battery on my loyal, ancient Acer Chromebook a couple times while I was out in the garage trying to make it less appealing to rats. I think R6 is one of the best competitive shooters of all time, and even when the tech wobbled out of the gate it couldn’t obscure that.  It wears the cloak of a “sport” with greater ease than most of its competitors - it’s more legible, and the levels are dynamic, material spaces open to…

News Post: Quality Time

http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2018/02/19/quality-time

Tycho: I’d heard that the new stress test for Sea of Thieves was gonna be an actual stress test.  As in, they were gonna let us come in and try to break it while they were actively trying to break the backend as well.  Giving people an experience with your product you aren’t completely in control of and which can literally fail in random ways creates novel rhetorical and business challenges, which is why “betas” are mostly marketing and why when we purchase entertainment software it’s fucked a nontrivial percentage of the time. The main difference I saw…

News Post: Posers

http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2018/02/16/posers

Tycho: I first saw the Wyrmwood crew out at PAX South, which was essentially “the tabletop focused show” before there was such a thing as PAX Unplugged.  “Wood nerds” are real.  I know about this from my stepfather: he was showing me some kind of “burl” or whatever, which I think is a wood word, and he was like “check this burl out” or something to that effect.  No, it was Bird’s Eye maple.  His eyes glowed.  That’s the type of dorks these Wyrmwood people are. Indeed, they are multiclass, because they’re dorks…

News Post: Half-Life

http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2018/02/14/half-life

Tycho: When I’m playing pubji with Kiko, I take painkillers constantly.  Like, in game.  The inventory item.  It helps me get my head right.  In the state of preternatural clarity they create, do I occasionally shoot a bush that looks (at a certain LOD) like it might be a crouching man?  I won’t say it doesn’t happen.  Maybe the bush in question didn’t deserve to be shot, per se - but let’s be honest with one another. There is no bush without sin. The first panel is truly what he thought, before Amy Falcone - also known as Amy The…